Tuesday, November 27, 2007

McMillin chosen for U.S. Senate seat

Jackson -- In a surprise move this morning, Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour has appointed Hinds County Sheriff and Jackson Police Chief Malcolm McMillin to fill the seat of retiring Senator Trent Lott.

"Sure, he's a Democrat and sure, it will mess with the balance of the Senate-- but Mac's a can-do kind of guy. Anyone who can be Sheriff, Police Chief, head football coach for Ole Miss and Southern Miss at the same time can handle the workload of the U.S. Senate," Barbour said in the inpromtu press conference at Shoney's.

"I was initially amazed at McMillin's work ethic -- especially coaching two football teams," the Governor continued, "until I remembered that Southern Miss's games are never played on Saturday. They are usually on whenever there is an open slot on ESPN 4. Tuesday at 3 a.m., Sunday at 11:45 p.m. Gotta love Conference USA."

"Well Gosh darn," said former Congressman and presumed choice Chip Pickering replied when contacted by phone. "Oh fudge -- this isn't fair."

Religious leader Reverend Donald Wildmon has already called for an investigation." This is proof there is illegal cloning going on in South Korea. There is no way one human being can do all these jobs. Send money so we can fight to stop this Godlessness."

Lott himself chuckled when he heard the news. "He's no Strom Thurmond, but what do I care? It's time for me to do a little lobbyin', a little lawyerin' and a lot of moneymakin'. Hoddy Toddy."

Former Attorney General Mike Moore was unavailable for comment but a muffled scream was heard from his house when the news was slipped under his door.

Back at Shoneys, McMillin made a brief statement at the all-you-can-eat bar. "I'm flattered. Now, do you want that last sausage link?"

Updates when they are made available.


Jennifer said...

Where do you come up with these things?

grammargirl said...

Ooh, very good, MR, very good.

The Library Guy said...

So what's next? Czar Malcolm?

Marshall Ramsey said...

He can fit it in on Friday nights -- when he is not coaching South Panola.

Forcedtoretirelegaleagle said...

You would think the coash of South Panola would be recruited to coach one of the college teams since he has a 70 something game winning streak!

Marshall, you have a better handle on Mississippi politics than the average bear!

Forcedtoretirelegaleagle said...

Where do Stephen King and Dean Koontz and Marshall Ramsey come up with these things? It's called genius and being blessed with a fertile imagination! I bow my head in the presence of such greatness!

dhcoop said...

And to think, I almost said "McMillin" as the answer to the question of the day. I wish I had now!

regina Butler said...

LOL!!! LOL!!!
Oh Marshall! I just now read this in between cleaning off my desk. Yes, I did move ONE piece of paper from my desk. Anyway. Your rest was good for you. You are certainly back in full form.